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Too Much Even For the Twinkie Defense Inventor

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The Twinkie Defense instantly became, and remains, the landmark for phony, junk science razzle-dazzle enlisted to attempt to hoodwink the jury.  It attained its Mt. Rushmore status because, to the astonishment of almost everyone, it worked in one of the most notorious cases of the 1970's, the trial of Dan White for killing openly gay San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk.  It was presented to the jury by a psychiatrist, Dr. Martin Blinder.

But some defense ploys are just too much, even for Dr. Blinder.  Today's story reports that Dr. Blinder openly scoffs at the "defense" undertaken (fortunately to no effect) by a fellow convicted for being a serial groper of teenage girls.  The defense was that the groper acted as he did because of too much caffeine.  Dr. Blinder reportedly says that "he has never heard of caffeine induced groping."

"When someone gets depressed and abandons his diet, eats junk food, and if you are already on a downward spiral, I can tell you that eating junk food is not therapeutic," Blinder said. "If you ever read the label on a Twinkie, only two of the ingredients sound like food products."

But caffeine is made out of coffee beans, all natural and free of artificial ingredients, he said.

"We have no evidence that coffee is harmful. In fact, there is some evidence that drinking it in one's old age can assist in some Alzheimer's cases," Blinder said.

Blinder admitted that if someone is trying to quit coffee cold turkey that some withdrawal symptoms have taken affect in the form of cravings, headaches and restlessness. "But going out and molesting women is not one of those symptoms," says Blinder.

When "defenses" have come to the point that the inventor of the Mitigating Twinkie scorns them, well, all I can say is that we've come a long way, all in the wrong direction.

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