Prof. John Q. Barrett, who authors the emailed Jackson List on things relating to Justice Robert Jackson, has an article in the Green Bag on a Gilbert and Sullivan spoof written by Jackson clerk William Rehnquist. The article is here, which has lots of background and explanation. I've reproduced the spoof and an excerpt of the original after the jump.
Regrettably, Barrett sullies his article with one of those asinine comments that we get from liberals who think they are being nice to conservatives while actually betraying their own prejudices and misconceptions. "William Rehnquist's strong, sometimes stern views, both in his youth and later, did not mean that he was humorless." Why would anyone think for a minute that there is any inconsistency between strong conservative views and a sense of humor? Only if they have a profound misunderstanding of conservative thought.
Update: Professor Barrett responds by email that he did not intend to refer to Rehnquist's conservatism but rather "the way he sometimes would scold attorneys and spectators in Court about quite petty matters."
Here is the Gilbert and Sullivan original:
Our great Mikado, virtuous man,
When he to rule our land began,
Resolved to try
A plan whereby
Young men might best be steadied.
So he decreed, in words succinct,
That all who flirted, leered or winked
(Unless connubially linked),
Should forthwith be beheaded.
And I expect you'll all agree
That he was right to so decree.
And I am right,
And you are right,
And all is right as right can be!
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Here is the Rehnquist spoof:
Our Great Chief Justice, Virtuous Man
When He to Rule Our Court Began
Resolved to try
A plan whereby
The Judges might be steadied
So he decreed with stern portent
That who thereafter did dissent
Unless he had the Chief's consent
Would forthwith be beheaded
This hard decree, of such import
Caused great dismay throughout the court
Verbose and mum, and smart and dumb
Were equally affected
The judges who by F.D.R.
Had come to lord it o’er the bar
Took great offense
At this pretense
By one whom Harry’d selected
Now Stanley Reed evades the ban
In about the only way he can
“Without a label
No one is able
To tell if I’m dissenting”
And Bill and Hugo wrote the Chief
“It is our most considered belief
Your rule has taint
of prior restraint
To it we’re no consenting”
Felix too was up in arms
When Fred stood fast against his charms
“My weekly speech
Should rightly reach
The ears of errant lawyers”
R.H.J. the Chief embraced
“With this restriction on me placed
With Shay and you
I’ll now pursue
The vagaries of baseball.”
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